learning to run a strict program: boundaries
Learning to Run A Strict Program: Boundaries.
This has been a very interesting and weird new season. Nobody really talks about the prelude before fully settling into the new season prior to God fully unleashing it to you. This prelude is called transition. The process of transition is like packing up belongings from a place you stayed at and called home, then loading a moving truck to move to a new state or country. It's the part where you are preparing for the move to be fully located. This is where you package the old things you no longer need and/or give them away because they will not suit you for where God is taking you and represent an old season of your life. This is where you truly take a deep examination of yourself to decide what you will keep to take with you. This is where you decide who and how many people are going with you. Is it yourself? Some other people God placed to be a part of your journey; be very vigilant to not bring a Lot with you to avoid unnecessary strife and warfare like Abraham experienced (Genesis 13). This is the part where you leave the old atmosphere and environment of where you once stayed to know how to properly cultivate and nurture the new environment that God is getting ready to have you settle in. This all goes to say, or ask, are you ready? Are you prepared to receive the new thing that God has for you? Out of excitement or desperation, you may say yes, but would your status of preparedness say something else?This is not just about letting go of the old and bringing forth the new but becoming a new you. The truth is, you can let some things go, which is good if God is instructing you to, but none of that matters if you are still the same person who would go and pick it up again or attract it in a different location. The biggest thing that many people gaslight themselves out of having that is pivotal to their growth as a believer: boundaries. God will not trust you with what He built with boundaries if you lack them because even God himself has boundaries that we must abide by.
Boundaries and walls are two different things.
The truth is the reason why people build walls is that they lack boundaries. Boundaries are to prevent and protect us and those connected to us from being violated spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally, and even mentally. It is a way that we show appreciation to ourselves and God by setting limits, rules, and standards of respect, showing others that we are aware of the importance of our existence and can not accept everything that comes our way. Boundaries show that we hold a healthy standard of true self-love.
Walls are built from trauma and pain, not from the wisdom that the lessons could have taught us. Walls come from a place where the wounds still feel fresh, no matter how long it has been, and it won’t stop bleeding. The walls shut out more than they’re supposed to, which builds distrust instead of discernment. Walls will have you misinterpret things out of paranoia of getting hurt again; they make a person become guarded, protecting the logic behind bitterness, fear, or shame, which keeps a person locked up and healthy people out. This makes an individual become a person whom healthy people do not want to be around because they are encountering that person through pain as if they caused it. Rest in the Holy Spirit and allow Him to perform soul surgery on you so that your wound is no longer exposed and bleeding; let Him heal you; that's what the gospel is for.
Boundaries guard your heart while walls keep you guarded.
Proverbs 4:23 NLT, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Boundaries are a form of love to the person you're expressing them to and for the person expressing it to you.
Be excited!!!!!
Boundaries are a good thing.
Let’s be real, sometimes it can be really uncomfortable setting boundaries, especially if you know that offense is in the history of the person you're setting them with; however, with them in place, you are letting them know how they can respect and honor your friendship/relationship by the rules you place for safety and growth. Boundaries are not meant to condemn the other party at all but instead to teach them how you like to do life or how you are going to start to do life moving forward. Boundaries can change through different seasons, ages, grades, locations, relationships, etc. Boundaries are meant to get stronger the more you grow in life; it is meant to preserve good change.
Boundaries will reveal if someone really loves you or was just using you.
If you mention something is bothering you, or that you would like to no longer partake in something, or possibly need a break from someone because it was a lot to handle and you need to regroup. If their response is anger, offense, and trying to invalidate you through gaslighting, instead of further discussing it for clarity or maturely expressing why they may disagree or providing a reasonable explanation to avoid misunderstandings, it's more than likely you exposed what was really going on. Breaks don’t always mean breakups but a distance to gain clarity, regroup, and get direction on how the relationship needs to be moving forward; whether by setting boundaries in order for the relationship to progress or completely separating from each other. How a person responds to your boundaries will let you know whether you should move forward or not.
Sometimes, we invest too much or too little in the right relationships making them the wrong relationships.
Let me explain, There are some people where it’s best to not speak to them on an everyday or even weekly basis, but a few times a month, and the relationship will thrive. Some relationships will do better if you do speak and hang out more often. Both are valuable but just in different ways. No matter what the case is , always remember to do life without depending heavily on people. There should be a balance where Jesus is the priority and the main one you stay in constant communication with. Then, there’s the last group of people, those who should not have access to you at all; separate yourself, with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, of course.
The purpose of boundaries
To help protect your growth, make sure your mental health is good, and to honor the commandments of the Lord and the convictions he has given you. Boundaries are not about rejecting a person or keeping them out but learning how to keep them in by rejecting what is not beneficial for you and sometimes them. Neither is it about attacking the other individual. When you have boundaries, you will help people to realize the beauty of having them and possibly inspire them to have some of their own. You are also using a fire torch to reveal impurities that were inside of them that they may not have seen themselves, giving them the opportunity to examine themselves for improvement. Like any healthy relationship, it goes both ways; boundaries for both sides should be established and respected. It’s not meant to be one-sided, and boundaries help avoid that.
Matthew 22:39 KJV, “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Matthew 7:4-5 NKJV, “4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.“
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries reveals how much we allowed ourselves to be manipulated.
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries shows how much we actually lacked them.
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries reveals the idols we were blindly serving.
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries shows that we need to allow God to renew our minds so that we can see with a godly lens and not think good as bad and evil as good.
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries shows that we need to relinquish control and completely surrender it to the Lord.
Sometimes placing boundaries shows how much we were dealing with people-pleasing, and that the other person would've been respectful of it regardless; anxiety just made it seem bigger than what it was.
How to identify if you need to establish boundaries:
Does it honor or go against what the Bible tells and shows me to do as a true follower of Jesus Christ?
Do these things hinder my spiritual growth?
Do I feel depleted, overly anxious, and drained by this relationship or these conversations?
Am I being disrespected? How are they treating me? How do they speak to me?
Is this a relationship of value or one that is taking away from my God-given purpose?
Is this a one-sided relationship? Am I pouring more than the other party?
Is God’s hand evident in this relationship?
Does the Holy Spirit approve of the relationship?
Does this person make me feel bad about myself, doubt myself, fuel insecurity, or doubt my identity in the Lord?
Does this relationship fuel my self-esteem or chip at it?
Does this relationship distract me or encourage me to move forward with vision?
This person gaslights you or manipulates you into thinking that you have to be there or else something bad is going to happen, implying that it would be your fault, or making you think you're wrong for setting boundaries or taking a break.
Discernment for which spirit is operating behind the person: is it the Holy Spirit or an unclean spirit? The Bible tells us in Ephesians 6:12 NKJV, “2 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” So always test the spirit behind a person and seek instruction from the Holy Spirit.
Boundaries are for all relationships in our lives: family, friends, co-workers, in romantic relationships, etc.
Lies that keep people from setting boundaries:
I’ve known them for a long time.
Maybe I’m the problem (when you have been the only one trying to fix it, accountability is good when it's true, but when it’s not, it’s just you taking the blame for it).
Well their my family member
They need me, or else they’ll fail or suffer.
They’ll talk badly about me.
Be sure to communicate thoroughly if possible, making the person aware of your reasons for setting boundaries so that they are aware of anything they may need to improve on, don’t be passive nor passive agressive and also know when it shows grace when necessary. Not every relationship we experience is meant to be cut off.
Prayer: Dear Lord, Heavenly Father, I come before you and ask that you would lead me to cultivate a life that reaps a good harvest for your glory. Teach me the way I should go, teach me how to set godly boundaries, and teach me how to abide by them no matter what. Lord, I ask that you set me free from the free will of man, set me free from people pleasing, and set me free from self-abuse. Lord, I repent for people pleasing, which is a form of manipulation, so that I would not falsely guard myself from rejection. I repent for becoming guarded because of pain and not learning how to stand up for myself because of fear of going through hurt again. I repent for fear of rejection. I repent for seeing pain as something that is bigger than your love. Lord, I pray that you would heal me from past traumas so that I could love myself and others well and no longer feel like I’m not worth setting boundaries. I thank you that boundaries are a good thing and not something I should feel guilty for. I come out of agreement with fear, guilt, shame, and manipulation and declare it no longer have control over me and my life. I pray that offense would not rise up in the hearts of those you called, but instead humility where we see boundaries as mercy and love. Deliver me, my family, my bloodline, and my generation from manipulation and build in us the capacity to live boldly through the Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.
This is a really important decision that comes with urgency because no person should be living without Jesus during these times, we need him more than ever and doing life with Him is better than doing life soley on oxygen. Also, If you would like to accept the salvation of Jesus Christ, making as Lord and Savior in your life, or even if you have backslidden and want to return to the Lord, here’s a prayer to guide you.
“ God almighty, I come before you to accept your love, to no longer reject you and what you have done for me. I choose to stop running from you and to finally stop rejecting myself of your love. Thank you for dying for me Lord Jesus, thank you for taking on my sins and shame. Thank you Lord that you became a curse for me so that I would no longer be bound by them but set free by your blood that was shed for me. Thank You for making yourself available to me, as friend, father, Lord, God, helper, comforter, savior, and all the good things I need in my life. Jesus I love you and ask you to help me keep loving you like how you want me to. I accept you completely as my Lord and savior, not what this world and demons have presented to me. Now I declare in the both spiritual and physical realm, that I not longer belong to Satan nor his Kingdom but according to Colossians 1:13, God has delivered me from the kingdom of darkness and has placed me in the Kingdom of light, where Jesus Christ is, I declare I belong to Jesus Christ and I now seat with Him In heavenly places. I rebuke all demonic retaliation in me making this decision and come into agreement with a sound mind in Jesus’ name. I repent, renounce, denounce, and divorce myself from all the sins I’ve committed (list what you can remember) and break the evil covenants associated with them, and I declare once again I am a part of the kingdom of Jesus Christ. In Jesus’ name I pray and seal this prayer in His blood, Amen.”
Hallelujah! Congratulations if you made this decision. I pray that you prevail in your walk in the Lord, that forces of darkness continue to fail concerning you, and that the forces of light continue to persevere and propel you in the name of Jesus.
And if you have not yet, get yourself a Bible. Please, it’s a lot of ghetto foolishness concerning Christianity and religion. The Bible is the only way to protect you from it and will show you how to be a Christian and have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.
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